The Dead Bunny Chronicles
by Ainnenoi Aurum
Summary: Once upon a time, an author could write her stories out without the bunnies holding a gun to her head. However, those bunnies did not have a very long lifespan, and tended to die quickly. These are the bunnies' stories. EVERYTHING IN HERE IS ADOPTABLE!
1. Dead Bunnies: Shards: A Hidden Past

This is set in sixth year, completely ignores HBP and DH, and is a really crappy piece of work I did a long time ago. It is also log dead, as can be figured out by the titles of the story. There will be more crappy dead bunnies being put in this story, several of which will be for this story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, unless I fall through a hole in space-time and end up in the past where I recreate Harry Potter under the alias of J.K. Rowling, but really, how likely is that?

* * *

It was pretty much a normal day on the Hogwarts Express for Harry, Ron and Hermione. Normal that is, until a girl with hip length gold-blonde hair pulled into a ponytail and opalescent gold eyes burst into their compartment.

Harry stared at her. It couldn't be. He hadn't seen her since he first went to Hogwarts. The Dursleys had said that her parents and her had died. Maybe the Dursley's had lied?

The girl paused a moment to catch her breath, it appeared that she had run the length of the entire train. Then she started talking. A lot.

"Hi! My name's Karen but please call me Wulf. Who was the albino who brought two gorillas on the train? What year are you going into? I'm going into sixth year, even though I just discovered magic this summer. They say that 'you must learn with kids your age.' Well that sucks cause I got five years to make up. You know what? He-" she pointed to Harry "-reminds me of someone I used to know but was told died."

For a few seconds there was silence in the compartment and then Harry spoke up. "Wulfie? It is really you, isn't it?" Karen stared at him for a second and then squealed, launching herself at Harry and latching onto his neck, tightly, sobbing. Ron and Hermione stared, seemingly trying to decide what to do, while Harry tried to figure out what Karen was saying.

"Baer...Crash...Hospital...Just got out...August...Missed..."

Hermione tried to start talking, most likely to tell off Karen for cussing in front of a prefect but Harry glared at Hermione with a definite 'Speak, and expect to wake up tomorrow with me holding a rusty butter knife to your throat'. Hermione quailed.

"Hush, little Wulfie." Harry soothed. " I assure you I know exactly how you feel. In fact, it was probably worse for me. When I got back from Hogwarts, I had just seen a student get murdered because I was trying to be fair. I needed you far more than you could have needed me, or else you would have been on the train last year. It tore me apart to not be able to see you that year. I honestly thought I wouldn't make it through that summer. I was dying when they came for me. Now, why don't you see if you can tell me how you felt."

Karen gulped down her tears. "Well, you see, what I was trying to say was that I thought you were dead. The Giraffe and the Whale Major told me that you had gotten killed in a car accident with Creepy Cat Lady during our first visit after I entered middle school. My school, for some unknown reason revolves around winter as beginning and ending. I thought, they have to be lying. But after five years I had finally given up hope when some idiots in white masks busted into our home and started yelling some crap about filthy muddles. As you remember, I hate anyone calling me filthy, when I'm not anyways." Harry had to smile, remembering the time she had decked Dudley during her annual visit for calling her filthy by association with him. "Yes, I thought you would remember that. Well, they called me filthy and so I lunged at them, ignoring the puny spells they were trying to cast on me. Honestly, Rex is way more powerful!" Here Harry snorted, while Ron and Hermione gazed on in uncomprehending disbelief.

"So true, Wulfie, so true."

Now Ron and Hermione were just plain astonished. Sirius had died last year, but here Harry was, acting completely normal. Not to mention he was saying the Death Eaters spells were nothing! He must have gone insane in grief.

Karen smiled too. "Yes well, I didn't realize until later the significance of that act. Well, then I punched the living daylights of the idiots, not noticing that my foster parents had died while I was occupied. And right about then, the members of the Order known as the Tumbling Turkey started poofing into my living room. An old dude, henceforth known as Fish-" Harry laughed, a happy, carefree laugh that neither of the sixth-years in the compartment had ever heard.

"Fish. What the hell? That is probably the most random one I have heard."

"Not from my perspective. First time I saw the man, he did look like one. Apparently I was like a christmas light from the spells I had caught. Quite frightening when I pointed my finger at them and freaking _LIGHTNING_ came out. I never could call lightning, that was you. Well, I learned that I had a stupid rite performed by my parents that wouldn't allow my human power out until my life was in danger. Voila, ticket to this madhouse. Now, your turn."

However, before Harry could begin talking, Hermione started yelling her head off. "Harry James Potter! What are you doing and who the hell is she? She must be a Death Eater because I know for a fact it is impossible for magic to not appear until you are sixteen! Don't you remember telling Ron that he was your first friend? And How does she know about the Order? I suggest you get out of here now, Death Eater scum!"

Karen sobbed a little and fled the compartment. Harry stood up and stared at Hermione ominously before speaking. "Hermione, I am disappointed in you. You cannot stand the idea of someone having something happen that you cannot understand, therefore, if anything does they must be a Death Eater in disguise. I for one want to catch up with my best friend who I haven't seen in _five years_. Excuse me if that makes me an idiot. However I can tell you that she is definitely who she says she is. Goodbye." With that Harry turned and stalked out, leaving behind two slack-jawed magis staring at them.

Harry turned to Karen, who was standing behind the door, trying to suppress her giggles. "Nice one, Baer. I was worried you would have forgotten the signal what with everything else that you have had to remember."

Harry smiled at her before they both dissolved into fits of laughter at the stupefied expressions on the teen magical people. When they had finally managed to calm down Harry stated, "I could never forget any of what we did, little Wulf."

Karen giggled before sighing and turning away from Harry and staring at the wall opposite them. She hesitated before beginning to speak softly. It was obvious that she was no longer on a train speeding through Scotland and was instead many, many miles and years away. "Harry, do...do you ever wish that we could be in a different time and place. 'Cause, right now, I want nothing more than to go back to the summer you turned eleven. You remember, with the forest?..." She turned and scooted onto Harry's lap as they both stared at the wall, lost in memories of a time long ago. A time when they were both the happiest that they had ever been, and had thought they would ever be...

: -- ,, -- '' -- ,, -- '' -- :

_A pair of ten-year-olds, a boy and a girl, one in clothes about ten sizes too big and the other in formerly designer clothes that were ripped and dirty beyond recognition, ran down the street, excited about their plans for the day. They were going to go into the forest that everyone else seemed to have no clue about existing._

"_Come _on_, Harry. Hurry up! I wanna see what's in there! We've never gone in there." The girl whined at the boy, Harry._

"_Hold your horses, Ren, I'm coming." the boy yelled back exasperated. They talked no more as they continued to the forest. Once they reached the edge of the forest they started to run again, jumping, climbing, ducking, and whatever else they felt like doing. They continued on in that vein for some time before Karen ran into Harry when he suddenly stopped and stared at something ahead of him._

"_Harry! What...The..." Karen began yelling at him, trailing off as he raised a shaky hand and pointed at the thing he had been staring at. A silver deer-like horse with a horn. In other words a unicorn._

_The unicorn snorted, and in its snorts they could hear what it was saying. "Welcome little ones," it rumbled, " It has been some time since one of your kind has entered the Forest. Only one with magic in your heart and the forest in your veins can see this place."_

_Harry and Karen just stared for about a minute before Harry spoke up. "Um. Well. Uh. Whycanweunderstandyou?" he blurted all in one breath._

_The unicorn chuckled and replied, "The magic of the Forest is translating for you. My name is Moon's Rays and I am Head of the Forest council. We wish to meet those who can enter our forest. Please follow me to the Silver Oak where the Council meets." With that he left, trusting the young ones to follow him and follow him they did._

_The two ten-year-olds followed the unicorn, Moon's Rays, clinging to each other and struck dumb by the sudden appearance of a myth and confirmation of magic. Eventually they regained some comfort so they began to chat between themselves as they walked, only to be struck dumb again when they entered a clearing to find themselves before a vast congregation of unicorns, wolves, deer, foxes, squirrels, and all the other woodland creatures you can think of._

_After a long time of just staring while the animals conversed among them, a kind looking wolf came up to them and told them what was to be. "My name is Rex and we would like you to remain here until you need to leave, to be trained and taught. Please consider the Forest your home for the time be--"_

: -- ,, -- '' -- ,, -- '' -- :

A sneering voice interrupted their thoughts on the happiest time of their lives. "Well, well, well. What have we here? Scar-head and... Some random girl I have never seen before." Draco Malfoy was standing there staring down at the two friends while his bodyguards chuckled dully behind him. "Why don't I know you? Are you some Mudblood that got lost for years? Or an _American? _Either way, you are not a pureblood so that means- Pretty lights" :THUD:

Karen was annoyed at the rude little :ahem: Anyway, she was annoyed cause he had interrupted their daydreaming of a better time and then started insulting her. So, she did what any sensible person would have. Namely, punch him silly and then knock him unconscious. Ah, the wonders of the wolves straight-forward thinking... Speaking of which she should probably take care of the two goons cracking their knuckles at her...Damn, Harry's good. He learned a lot from the wolves.

The two idiotic teens yelling at Harry poked their heads out of their compartment. All it took was one look at their faces as they realized the duo had been right outside their compartment the entire time and Harry and Karen fell to the ground laughing at them. They in turn glared at both of them before cautiously asking Harry, "Mate, why are Malfoy and his goons laid out on the floor and you and the newbie rolling on the floor laughing?"

Poor Harry only managed to choke out a few words to the effect of "Taunt...Wulf...Pretty lights...Punch." before they both glanced at each other and dissolved into laughter again. The wand-wielders glanced at each other before deciding no one else needed to see the Harry Potter breaking down. Therefore they each dragged one of them back into the compartment.

Once in the compartment, Harry and Karen managed to calm down. The second they did Ron and Hermione began bombarding them with questions. As soon as Harry was able to get a word in edgewise, he said that he and Karen would explain if the others were quiet.

"Well," Wulf started when Ron and Hermione calmed down. "The albino out there interrupted Baer and I while we were remembering the last time we were together. I, therefore, got kind of pissed off."

Hermione interrupted, "Excuse me, but why do you keep calling Harry Bear?"

Harry decided to answer this. "You see, Hermione, the last time we were together, we gave each other nicknames. Since I could only be near my teacher with a bear nearby or it came to blows, I am called Baer. Karen, was closest to the wolves, especially Rex. That answer your question?" When Hermione and Ron nodded, Karen continued with the story.

"Anyways," she stressed, "I got po'd. As Bear's cousin knows, you don't fuck with me when I'm pissed. Albino did. I, of course, did what any sensible girl would. I punched the lights out of him. He then stopped what he had been saying and instead said, and I quote, 'Pretty lights.' before falling down. Bear then disposed of the gorillas. Speaking of which, how long has it been since you last trained? That wasn't nearly as good as you used to be. Rex would be disappointed."

Harry looked down. "Two years," he whispered.

Karen's eyebrows rose above her hairline. "Two years?" she asked in a voice made all the more deadly by the absolute calmness in it. "We were supposed to practice everyday, and you haven't for two years."

Harry flinched, obviously expecting impending doom. Suddenly, Karen smiled. "Well then, I guess its time to inform you of some more things. Do you know who my foster parents decided would get me if they died before I was eighteen?"

"The Dursleys?" Harry guessed, after all, the Dursleys and the Johnsons had been adopted siblings.

Karen smiled. "Right in one! I came there on the 15th of August! So, we will now be officially living together!" Harry of course, blushed at this. Karen whapped him on the arm.

"Not like that you perv! The innocent brother-sister kind of living together!" Karen mood turned from light-hearted to serious in a second. "However, I do have a piece of bad news."

"What?"

"There was too much, too powerful wand-magic used too close too the forest. The enchantments keeping the non-magis from seeing it were growing less powerful. I heard the Whale Major and the Giraffe talking about the town council meeting to decide what to do with the forest. There was a very good possibility that the forest would be cut down and Moony-"

"Wait," Hermione interrupted, "You know Professor Lupin?"

"Who?" Karen asked, eyebrow raised.

"Professor Lupin was a teacher at the school. He used to be my father's friend. He's also a werewolf and nicknamed Moony," Harry explained.

"Ohhhhhh," Karen said in understanding. "Do you want us to change Moon's nick? By the way, it's awesome that you know a werewolf. I've always wanted to know one."

"Nah, I'm fine. Let's keep it. Seems wrong to change his nick. And I know you have, that's why you are going to meet him as soon as possible."

"All right then. As I was saying, there was a good chance that Moony, Rex, Jalis and everyone would have died. Thankfully I remembered seeing some kind of enlarged trunk, like the TARDIS, in that one shopping mall area thingy. So the next day, I told the Whale Major that he was going to be taking me to London. I went and bought the trunk."

"Hang on, do the Dursleys know you're magical?"

"Of course! They started trying to get me to do what you always did, but I beat 'em up. Surprisingly it gets through their thick heads. After that they left me alone. But back to the forest. When I told everyone what was going to happen, and that I had a thing with which I could take them to safety, everyone came with."

"Oh. My. God. You have the forest in your trunk. You have our best friends in a freaking trunk." Harry seemed to be in shock and then, began to laugh. "Our- haha- our- hahahaha- our claus- hahahaha- trophobic friends -hahahaha- in a trunk. Hahahahahahahaahahahaha."

Karen blinked for a while and when Harry pointed out the claustrophobia, joined him in laughter. When they managed to calm down, they then walked out, presumably to meet their friends. Ron and Hermione, curious about Harry's first friends, tried to follow, but were stopped by Karen.

"You can't come. I know you want to, but unless you have magic in your blood-"

"Which we do!" Ron interjected, but Karen was not done yet.

"And the Forest in your heart, they will not react kindly to you."

With those parting words, Karen swept out of the room to catch up to Harry. That was the last Ron and Hermione saw of them until about a half an hour until the train would reach the station.

~0o0o0~

Harry ran into their compartment, waking the other two from their respite from the real world, Hermione in a book and Ron in sleep. He was obviously panicked about something, judging by the way he frantically looked around, and then climbed onto the luggage rack.

Ron and Hermione were mystified when a hiss of 'no matter what, DON'T tell her I'm up here.' was issued from the person hiding among the smaller suitcases.

The reason for his terror soon became apparent as Karen burst into the compartment, so mad that her hair seemed to be on fire.

"Where is he?" Karen hissed, not even bothering to disguise the utter promise of _pain _in her voice. Needless to say, Ron and Hermione dumbly pointed at the luggage rack, which let out a dismayed squeak of betrayal at their actions.

"POTTER!" Karen screamed, "GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS INTANT SO I CAN CHEW YOU OUT PROPERLY!"

Harry, not being Dudley, and therefore, not dumb enough to ignore her orders, climbed down immediately. Unfortunately, Karen had a VERY healthy set of lungs, and, when pissed, used them to their fullest. So, she managed to gather quite a crowd, simply because there was an unfamiliar teen yelling at Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived, The Chosen One, and whatever other crap the Wizarding world as a whole was calling him these days.

Once Harry was standing in front of her, looking suitably terrified regarding his immediate future, Karen began again.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD HAVE DONE? THEY DON'T CARE SO MUCH ABOUT MY PERSONALITY, ONLY MY LOOKS! YES, THEY TRIED TO SET ME UP WITH THE WHALE MINOR! DO YOU HAVE **ANY** IDEA HOW TRAUMATIZING IT WAS FOR ME TO GO TO YOUR BEDROOM AND SEE YOUR COUSIN IN ONLY HIS BOXERS? NOT TO MENTION HOW OBVIOUSLY... EXCITED HE WAS! I STILL NEED THERAPY FROM THAT! DO _**NOT**_ JOKE ABOUT THAT! FOR THE RECORD, IF YOU EVER, AND I MEAN **EVER**, MENTION THAT AGAIN, WE'LL FIND OUT JUST HOW MUCH SKILL YOU HAVE LOST OVER THE YEARS!"

The general population of Hogwarts was stunned. The newbie not only knew Harry, his cousin had tried to hit on her! Hang on! Potter was saying something!

"Sorry Wulfie." Harry said, shuddering at the thought of having to see Dudley nearly naked. "I am so sorry. That- that's not something that is meant to be seen be any sane person."

What was wrong with his cousin for him to say something like that? Well, the girl did mention something about a whale. Perhaps he was overweight?

Karen's eyes blew out their flames. "It's okay, Baer. I know you only meant it as a joke, but the incident was far too recent in my mind to allow teasing just yet. Besides," she added, "I would have been concerned of you had said yes about that whale in boxers thing. God, I'm ready for a fight. Wanna find that albino we knocked out? I need to fight something, and our dummies ain't squishy."

What was that about an albino? Why had Malfoy suddenly paled like the Devil was after him? Why had the girl, Wolf, called Harry Bear?

"Oh, you mean Malfoy? Maybe, I mean, he's just way too wimpy. Even dear old Dudders is less wimpy. Nah Wulfie, I'm sorry to say there isn't anyone on the train that would put up a fight. Though, at the school, there are several ghosts."

Ah, that explained Malfoy's reaction then. And the gigantic bruise on his face. And what do they mean, no one who would put up a fight? They, except the first (and maybe second) years were trained in curses, hexes and jinxes! Surely they could take her! And why mention ghosts? Gah, not even the first day and they had so many questions about Harry Potter.

"Harry," Hermione spoke up, sounding terrified. "Why are you mentioning ghosts? And didn't you already beat Malfoy and his goons up enough?"

Ah, finally some answers! Everyone was eager to hear what they wanted to hear. Therefore, they surged forward. Too much.

Karen, Harry, Hermione and Ron turned surprised eyes at the door as it emitted a loud _CRACK_. Then they saw the reason the door had cracked.

"What. The bloody hell. Is going on." Ron summed up the compartment's feelings. It was not, after all, a usual occurrence to have the general population of Hogwarts trying to make themselves one with the Trio's door.

Karen leaned over to Harry and whispered, "I take it this isn't a normal thing then."

Harry, dumbfounded, just shook his head slowly.

It was then that the train decided to halt its forward progress abruptly, thereby nearly knocking out one Colin Creevey under Hogwarts' students.

Unconcerned, mostly, the quadruplet that was not squishing or being squished picked their way through the squished forms of their classmates. It looked like they were going to be the only ones who would be able to get off the train unassisted this year.

Once they got out over the bodies of their classmates, the quartet told Hagrid of the fate of their collective classmates. Hagrid then sent a message to the castle, requesting assistance.

Watching impassively as the teachers removed the students from the train, Karen leaned over to Harry.

"So Bear," she asked, "Is our school always this exciting?" At his nod she squealed. "Oh, we are going to have fun this year."

~0o0o0~

A mile away, in the Headmasters office at Hogwarts, Headmaster Albus Dumbledore experienced the sensation known as 'someone walking over your grave' rather violently. This year was going to be bad.

~0o0o0~

And so, the oddest train ride in all thousand years of the school's existence concluded, in four students walking up the long, dusty road to an entirely different world that the ones they had left behind. They were heading towards a world filled with uncertainty, fear, hatred, revulsion, prejudice and fighting, but one thing was certain. The sorting this year was going to be interesting. Very interesting.

* * *

Once, more, I would like to say: THIS IS AN OLD PIECE OF CRAP! And that there will be one chapter on the sorting and one on the morning of the first day of school. The bunny died halfway through that chapter, just to warn you.


	2. Dead Bunnies: Shards: A Broken Sorting

Here's the second chapter of Dead Bunnies. More specifically, it's the second chapter of the story that used to be posted as Shards of a Dreaming Mirror. Now it is part of the Dead Bunny Chronicles. I feel the need to repeat, for neither the first nor the last time: I am afraid of my own mind.

Disclaimer: I think I already said this, but I also think I forgot to say that no, this is not a crossover, and that Karen Johnson and the Forest are my own creations. I think. As far as I know they are. Unless the florescent lights of the kitchen took control of my mind and turned my body over to the government. Or, you know, I could be as loony as Luna. :shrugs: I'unno.

* * *

Once all the students were out of the Hospital Wing, the first years were finally able to be sorted. Of course, add Karen into the Sorting, and it was rather obvious that something would be different. Oh, how right they were.

At first it was almost like a normal sorting. That is, if the normal sortings included several casts and a couple of concussions.

The older students were all sitting at their House tables. The first years were at the entrance of the Hall. That was where things started to get weird.

First of all was the fact that Snape looked vaguely terrified.

Then there was the fact that Madam Pomfrey was in the Hall and looking rather annoyed.

And finally, there was a tall person in the middle of the midgets, looking rather like Hagrid among normal people.

This last was the source of the other two, not that anyone but her and Harry would ever know. Snape was terrified because, well, another of Potter's friends was at the school. Not to mention the fact that she was the source of Mr. Malfoy taking a rather... unexpected... nap on the train. Pomfrey was there because she wanted to make sure several students did not overexert themselves.

After a while of the uncomfortable as-near-to-silence-as-you-can-get quiet, McGonagall started the Sorting.

The Hat had a rather interesting song this year. It went something like this.

(_The songs sucks, I know. I can't write poetry to save my life. XD)_

_The houses four are threatened,_

_Our tale soon may end._

_If we remain ignorant._

_And divided form with'n!_

_Gryffindor is_

_Bold that's true,_

_Rather short-sighted_

_And a dime a dozen too._

_Hufflepuffs are_

_Loyal to some,_

_Not to all._

_Some are not as seen._

_Slytherin is_

_Cunning and ambitious,_

_But not all are_

_Black as they are painted._

_Ravenclaws are_

_Sharp of wit_

_And quick of thought._

_but even they can be misled._

_Hogwarts is threatened,_

_From within and without._

_Save us please_

_O Warriors of Animalis!_

_Else we head,_

_Swift to ruin._

_And disaster will follow._

_Save us please._

_Place me on your head._

_I'll Sort you right quick._

_But this division_

_Shall bring tragedy._

Harry looked at Karen in astonishment mouthing _us? _at her silently. She responded with a quick, short nod. Harry felt his mind reel with the import of what he had just learned. he and Wulf were to save Hogwarts? Together? How? _**He will have power the Dark Lord knows not**__, _his mind shot at him spitefully, mocking his confusion. _You knew it would come down to this eventually. You just hoped that Wulf would escape unharmed, for after all, __**neither can live while the other survives**__._

Karen, seeing Harry's glance and question, nodded. Rex had told her the name of the animal kingdom and how Harry and her were to be warriors of it.

Albus Dumbledore was, for perhaps the first time in a hundred years, shocked speechless. The Hat had always pleaded for House Unity and no more Sortings, but never, never in a hundred-fifty years, had the Hat requested help from a specific person, or persons as the case may be. They had to be extremely powerful! He had to get them on his side. They just had to train the Chosen One, Saviour of the Wizarding World! Little did he know that one of the Warriors was, in fact, the Chosen One. Not to mention the fact that his plans on having Harry Potter be the perfect weapon, defeat Voldemort, and then have himself get killed, allowing Dumbledore to take credit, had well and truly fallen into Murphy's domain.

Minerva McGonagall, realizing how long they had been staring at the Hat, slack-jawed and silent, cleared her throat- _hem-hem _- most of the students jumped, and said, further startling the recently injured Hogwarts, "Blaque, Aine."

A rather pretty girl with extremely black hair walked up and put the hat on her head.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

"Caligari, Josephine."

"SLYTHERIN!"

"Cyroin, Aled."

"RAVENCLAW!"

And so on. With the Sorting reaching the end, more and more curious stares were being turned on Karen, who was, of course, utterly nonplussed.

Finally, the last first year ("Yvesson, Anita") was sorted ("HUFFLEPUFF!"). And now all gazes were turned on Karen, the cause of much commotion and she wasn't even Sorted yet!

It was at this point that Dumbledore stood up and got the schools attention via liberal use of Weasleys Wildfire Wheezes, or whatever the fireworks the twins made up are called.

"Students! This year we have a new student in our midst. She will be entering sixth year and will have to make up five years of magical education. I expect you all to help her get up to snuff with her education." the Fish called, eyes twinkling.

Karen snorted as the Fish continued speaking random crap she didn't care about. _He looks like he's about to go supernova. _she thought sourly, annoyed from having to stand so long.

"Johnson, Karen"

"That's me!"

"No, Miss Johnson, you are supposed to come up here when I call your name."

"Oooooohhhhhh. Okiziiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeees!"

After that rather odd conversation with McGonagall, Karen skipped up and sat down on the stool very cheerfully.

_Miss Johnson, you need to lower your Occlumency shields so I can sort you._

"Aaaaaah! The voices! The voices! It's finally happened! I've gone mad!" Karen cried jumping up from the stool. Dumbledore's eyes went into eyernova with the twinkle. _God I hope that it's not infectious._

"Miss Johnson, that is simply the Sorting Hat. It will sort you into a house." Dumbledore explained.

"Touched in the head, you all are." Karen muttered sourly glaring at the hat with a ferocity that made Professor Snape jealous. "Fine I'll put the stupid Hat on but you're paying for the lice medication bill." Several Muggleborns cracked up, while the Purebloods looked at each other in confusion.

Karen sat down and put the hat on her head. _As I said before Miss Johnson, you need to lower your shields if you wish for me to Sort you._

_Kay then._

_Ah, quite different than any other person I have sorted. Except, perhaps, Mister Potter._

_Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just pick my mind and get it over with. I want to eat._

_Ah, quite feisty, aren't we?_

_Ya' ain't seen nutting ye', boyo._

_Should I be afraid?_

_As long as you sort me quick and give the Fish a headache with it, no._

_Very well then, I guess, since you are cunning enough to see an opportunity and brave enough to exploit it, it better be _SLYTHINDOR!" the Hat finished, ignoring both the silence in the Hall and the wince of pain from the kid he had just Sorted.

"Ow. By all means, blow my ears out!" Karen grumbled as she took off the Hat. Several students slightly started out of their daze to snigger at how well her low whisper carried in the silent Hall.

Harry stood up and began clapping. He was the only one to not have been too shocked to do anything. He had known her for too long to imagine she could ever do anything by halves.

"Brava! Brava!" he called, certain in the knowledge that only Karen would get his understanding of the elaborate game she was playing. Hermione, of course, looked at him funny.

"Arigato! The Wulf and the Bear shall free the wolves!" Karen responded, using their old codenames for each other and a captive (wolf). Now everyone turned their funny stares on her. Karen ignored them and walked over to sit next to her Harry, casually pushing the random bodyguard sixth-year out of the seat. Dumbledore, shocked by the fact that his Golden Boy and the insane new student apparently knew each other from outside of Hogwarts, was shocked out of it by that act. Snape, however, beat him to the point.

"Miss Johnson." Snape hissed, voice full of dangerous promise. "What do you think you are doing?"

"Why, Professor," Karen replied sweetly, a little too sweetly in Harry's opinion. "I am sitting with half of my house. I am, after all, both a Slytherin and a Gryffindor. Therefore, I have the right to sit at either table. I suppose it is a situation quite like Muggle joint custody. Dealing with two parents who now hate each other, but put up with each other for your sake. Yes, I'd say this is exactly like joint custody. Therefore, it is the prerogative for the kid to decide which parent to go to."

Harry was now very near to rolling on the ground laughing.

Fish stood up. "Miss Johnson, please meet me in my office after the feast, in the meantime, I have a few start-of-term announcements to make." Hey, the Defense teacher was some guy no one knows, who was actually ogling Karen, disturbing her greatly! At that point both Harry and Karen began ignoring the idiotic Headmaster. Honestly, for the 'most powerful wizard of the century' he was an idiot. Who in their right minds would keep a dangerous forest near a school? Finally, the food appeared. Almost immediately Karen began staring at the apparently mandatory lemon drops on the table.

"Wulfie? What's wrong?" Harry asked Karen, noticing her speculative glances between the bowl of lemon drops and the Headmaster.

"Nothing." Karen replied, shifting her gaze yet again.

"C'mon Wulf. You could never pull that on me. Now what's wrong? Tell me or the Incident will be brought to the gossips. You know, the one with the duck and the cocktail." Harry threatened.

Karen blanched. "You wouldn't," she hissed.

"Try me," Harry smirked back.

"Fine," Karen sighed. "You see those candies on the table?"

"Yeah," Harry replied, confused, not noticing that the entire Hall had gone quiet.

"What shape are they?"

"Ball-shaped."

"And who, do you think, required that _every_ student eat some?"

"Headmaster Dumbledore."

"What do you think it says about the Headmaster that he wants the Wizarding World to suck on ball-shaped candies?" Karen asked, with the long-suffering air of the parent of a toddler. Harry, meanwhile, had gone pale at this question.

"Eeeew! Nasty mental images! Get" :thump: "It." :thump: "OUT!" :THUMP: Harry had realized where Karen was going with this line of questioning. No one else had gotten it, so, temporarily ignoring the Chosen One now trying to give himself brain damage, they turned their puzzled stares on the Headmaster. Hermione was the next one to realize it.

"EEEEEEW! You're implying that Headmaster Dumbledore is a gay pedophile!? Nastynastynastynastynastynasty!" Hermione had now joined Harry in attempting, without training, to break the table with their bare heads. After Hermione's announcement, all the Muggleraised who knew what a pedophile was joined them in banging their heads to remove images. Karen just looked at the chaos she had caused. Upon hearing one of the Purebloods say "I don't get it. Of course the Headmaster is happy.", she lost it. She was rolling on the ground laughing.

~0o0o0~

There was really only one thing of interest after the sorting and before the end of the Feast. Dean Thomas, star-struck by Karen's beauty apparently, tried a lame pickup line on her. Harry felt sorry for him.

"Hey baby," he cooed at her, not noticing the annoyance on her face at having been interrupted in her catching up with Harry. "if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together."

Harry nearly smirked. Poor bastard had no clue at what he was getting in to.

Karen did smile. "Well," she started off sweetly, "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put the letters F and U together."

Dean blinked, and then actually had a comeback for that. "Is that a promise?"

Karen winked at him saucily. "You couldn't handle me with a hundred vitality potions. Face it. I'm too much for you." she literally purred. Okay even Harry was surprised at that one. He got over it though. Dean on the other hand, was left stuttering for the rest of the Feast.

~0o0o0~

After the feast, Karen dragged Harry with her up to the Headmasters office. After the mandatory guessing of candies, the gargoyle opened. Karen and Harry barreled up the twisting stairs, tumbling into the office, startling Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape.

"Mister Potter, why exactly are you here?" sneered Snape sourly.

"I'm not entirely sure sir." Harry replied, scratching his head in confusion. "Wulf just randomly grabbed my arm and dragged me here."

"Miss Johnson?" Dumbledore inquired with a raised eyebrow.

"I wasn't going to face teachers without a face I knew." Karen replied, shrugging unconcernedly.

"Anyways..." McGonagall brought the conversation to the topic Karen was asked to come to discuss. "Miss Johnson, what do you want to do regarding your sleeping arrangements? As you are in two Houses it is your choice."

"I wish to fly." Karen responded cryptically.

"Excuse me?" Dumbledore asked.

"The wolf has been a wolf too long. The wolf wishes to fly." Karen 'answered'.

"What she means is that she wants to be high in the air. She has been trapped too long and wishes to be free to do what she wants." Harry interjected before the professor could ream Karen out. He rolled his eyes. "When she gets like this it's a fair few days before she will speak straight."

"The bear is left-handed. The wolf wishes for flight and to be a wolf no longer."

"I am right. She wants to be high up and to be trapped no longer."

"Am I to take it that you two do, in fact, know each other from before Hogwarts?" Snape asked, dreading the answer.

The two teens leaned against each other and grinned. "Well, of course we know each other Professor. Her foster parents visited the Dursleys for a month at a time every year. They were after all adopted siblings. We've been best friends for sixteen years now. We've been through a lot together." Harry drawled.

"Mister Potter," McGonagall asked, "you were born sixteen years ago and didn't go to the Dursleys' until you were eighteen months old. Therefore, the most you could have known her for is fifteen years."

"The Forest lapsed us so we could learn the physicks of evil and how to turn snake on its tail." Karen stated, with the air of one reading from ancient tomes.

Harry stared for a second before deciphering her message. "An- Our _true_ home slowed time for the week we were there. There were things we had to learn, and we needed a year to do it. So we got it. A week passed in regular time but for the Forest, a year passed. We are a year older than we appear. I shall keep the rest of her message to myself. It was to remind me of the last thing we learned together."

"Potter! I demand that you tell me what she meant! It sounded dangerous! What's more it sounded DARK! Not the sort of thing that a schoolboy should know!" Snape yelled, rising to his feet.

Infuriated, Harry stood as well, frightening Snape by the aura of power around Potter. He looked like he was the center of a storm. Lightening was dancing over his fingers, and a powerful wind seemed to be whirling around him. "How dare you? If I still have my soul after _six years_ of knowing this knowledge, I hardly think that I am in danger from it. Rex and Jalis have been using it longer than me and they teach their kids at a younger age than me. _I am in no danger._ Now, if that is all, I am tired and so, I am sure, is Wulf. I shall guide her up to Gryffindor tower. Good day." With that Harry and Karen stalked out of the Headmasters office, but not before Karen shot a parting remark over her shoulder.

"Futue te ipsum et caballum tuum!"

Dumbledore sank his head in his hands and sighed. How had it all gone wrong? His plans required the Weapon to be a defenseless, abused, defeated orphan. Instead, he had gotten a friend and learned of magic before Hogwarts. How long had he been fooled by this farce that the Weapon apparently had been putting up? When had the Weapon gone into this forest? Had he known about magic before Hagrid was sent? All his plans were ruined! They had well and truly fallen to Murphy's realm!

~0o0o0~

Harry looked at Karen, eyebrow raised. "Screw you and the horse you rode in on? What'd they do to piss you off that much?"

Karen shrugged. "Did you see the way he was looking at you? He was planning something bad. I just wanted to head off that train of thought."

"Yes, I know."

"Good. Pranks?"

"Pranks."

And with that, they reached the Fat Lady, went in and, in a supreme display of anticlimacticness, absolutely nothing happened of note.

* * *

Oh yeah, I forgot to disclaim something! Anticlimatcticness is my own word, and I _have_ used it in a conversation, and gained many weirded out looks!

Oh, and _Futue te ipsum et callabum tuum! _actually is Latin for Screw you and the horse you rode in on. I think I learned that off some story, however I don't know what story it featured in. SORRYS!


	3. Dead Bunnies: The WolfWhoControlled

Errm...All I can say is that I love werewolves?

Disclaimer: Haven't I already done this? I'm sure you people all know from the last two chapters that I don't own Harry Potter. I do think that I own the idea that maybe Remus Lupin changed his name because he was famous, and I am definitely sure that I own the five ways to control a werewolf.

* * *

There are exactly five ways to control a transformed werewolf, with varying amounts of damage to said transformed werewolf.

The first is the most well known as this is the method the Ministry of Magic uses to control a werewolf. This method is that of silver. Anything with silver can control a werewolf, though only after giving the were silver poisoning does the silver work.

The second is that of animals. The presence of animals will calm a werewolf down as werewolves are creatures of socialization, so having an animal around that the werewolf will accept into their pack will calm down the werewolf. Rather like how having a trusted friend around can calm one from a towering rage. However, most animals are terrified of the werewolf.

The werewolf's mate, for third, will control the werewolf, although many do not ever find a true mate, only a spouse, if that. So, this was one of the least used methods.

Then you have any allergies the person may have, those get transferred over to the wolf, so, any allergen would control the wolf. This could be difficult to manage, as often only one who knows the were well would know of any allergies they may have. And most who would, refuse to tell officials about the allergies.

And then there is the one that anyone, even the lycanthrope in question, would be able to employ. That was the least known, and most used by those who were not in Ministry employ. it was, quite simply, cold. Werewolves evolved as a defense mechanism for those ancient people who got themselves trapped above the Arctic Circle. As creatures of the ice and snow, the heat of Scotland drove them mad. It was rather like how a polar bear would go crazy if left in the heat of Florida. To return a werewolf to a rather sane state, similar to that of any regular wolf but smarter, all one would have to do would be to now and cast a freezing charm on the area the lycanthrope will be transforming in, and they will be entirely safe to be around for the duration of their transformation. Well, if one would discount the minor possibility of frostbite from the environment.

_History of the Lycan, Laiwan Liusa_

* * *

Eleven-year-old Remus Lupin sighed as he looked at the swift-darkening sky, frost-ridden breath pluming out. Today was supposed to be one of the few times London would be able to see one of the meteor showers that so lit up the night sky and Remus so wished he could see it. To see the streaks of cold-fire as they streaked across the sky, illuminating those below with hope for a better future. Oh, how Remus wished he could observe it along with every other person in Britain! But alas, it was not to be. The moon would be rising soon and today it would be full. That meant, as it had every moon since his third birthday, that he would transform into a bloodthirsty, ravenous beast.

You see, Remus was a werewolf. But not _just_ a werewolf. No, he was also the youngest werewolf ever. As such, that meant that when he was bitten, his magic core was still flexible enough to fully accept the new magic. Meaning, of course, that Remus was more attuned to the wolf than any other werewolf ever had been and ever would. He was able to partly control the wolf on the full moon, and to semi-shift at any time other time, excluding the new moon when the pull was the weakest. He was, in short, a wolf animagus with monthly forced shifts who suffered from Multiple Personality Disorder.

His life was not at all comfortable though. When he was old enough to realize what happened, he started reading all the books he could on the subject of werewolf-ism or, as it was more properly known, lycanthropy.

As he read, he had realized that most werewolves did not hear a little playful wolf-voice in their heads, or have any control over the wolf. When he went to his parents and told them what he had found out, they started trying to use him to gain fame and money for them, with none of it ever going to him. The-Wolf-Who-Controlled. That was what they called him. The fame got to the point where he had to run away from his home, his family and everything human. He had even changed his name so no one could figure it out. Reginald Llwelyn became Remus Lupin so he could keep his initials, but signify his wolf. (Remus, twin of the greek hero Romulus, founder of Rome, abandoned and suckled by a wolf mother. Lupin, lupine, wolf-like.) And Remus Lupin knew he wasn't going to be able to go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry because they would know what he was, and realize _who_ he was and then the running and the hiding and the eternal watching would begin again.

The moon was rising now, casting its light on Remus as he finished his preparations. He stood back and let the light of the full moon bathe him. As it reached his foot, the site of the bite, his body shuddered and curled up. The pain came, as it always did when he was forced to transform. First his face, crumpling in and then stretching out into a wolfish grin while his eyes became a brighter gold and his ears migrated to the top of his head. Then, his hands, clenching into fists before uncurling and scarring the tree with his newly grown claws. His feet, curling in his ratty shoes, before uncurling and tearing the shoes to shreds. His torso, curling in on itself before stretching back out and further, revealing newly grown muscles while growing fur at an alarming rate.

Less than five minutes later, and where once had stood a homeless, ratty boy in the frozen forest, now stood a proud and magnificent black wolf with tawny eyes and brown zebra stripes on his tail. He paused for a moment, sniffing around, getting his bearings before throwing his head back and howling a tribute to a newly risen moon. As he finished his howl, the wolf, Iro, turned and ran into the forest, trying to work off the energy the unearthly blue-white light gave him. And Remus Lupin, after giving Iro strict instructions (_Only eat the rabbits, only the rabbits. NOT THE DOG! SPIT IT OUT! Only eat the rabbits.)_,let himself dissolve for the night, surrendering to the oblivion, the lack of caring about anything and everything. And so, a man in in wolf's body ran through the forest, howling his joy and energy, his longing and loneliness, under the full moon while the people on the edges of the woods heard the howls and shivered, instincts reacting to the presence of a mightier hunter than they. So the night passed, in oblivion and boundless energy.

* * *

Remus Lupin stirred slightly. Much as he loved the turnings and the energy and oblivion and freedom they brought, they always ended up leaving him as exhausted as if he'd stayed up for a week on end. He opened his eyes slowly, blinking off the slight accumulation of frost on his eyelids as he let his eyes adjust to a glaringly bright sun-on-snow light.

Remus froze. Something was staring at him. He could feel his skin prickling. That was one of the reasons he had to run away. The constant staring, he could feel it. It was like he constantly had millions of tiny spiders crawling, writhing, feeding, dying, all over him. This stare felt like that, but different. It was sharper, more piercing. It didn't feel like a human's stare, grasping, greedy, taking in but not really seeing. It was a familiar stare. An owl was staring down at him. But why? He wasn't going to be able to go to Hogwarts and he didn't know any other humans, so who could be contacting him.

Remus carefully got up and looked up at the owl and called crossly as he brought his magic to the surface and to bear, "Here bird. Come here you stupid bird if you wish to remain alive." The wolf had given him a closer relationship with his magic so, despite knowing few spells, Remus was the best semi-human in terms of wandless magic.

The owl hooted nervously and fluttered down to a level where Remus could reach the scroll of parchment on it's leg, fastened on with a green (pleasepleaseplease let it be...) ribbon, also lettered in green ink with a (it was!) stamped Hogwarts crest on it.

With trembling hands, Remus reached out and took the letter from the bird's leg and opened it slowly. It read exactly what he wanted to, but never dared hope he would, read.

_Dear Mr. Lupin, _They knew his chosen name rather than the one he was given!

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, under headmaster Albus Dumbledore, Order of Merlin, First Class. On the second page you will find the necessary supplies for school._

_Sincerely,_

Minerva McGonagall

_Minerva McGonagall_

_Deputy Headmistress,_

_Hogwarts_

He had never dared hope that he would be accepted into Hogwarts, after all, he had no parents to pay for tuition and textbooks. Not to mention his condition, which would be enough to prevent him ever being able to get a wand if the Ministry were to know what he was.

He had no idea how he was going to do this, not one. The one thing he did know, had known since he had seen the letter and realized what it was, was that he was going to Hogwarts. No matter what he had to do, The Wolf-Who-Controlled was going to Hogwarts, and Morgana help whoever stood in his way, be it man, beast or Ministry.

* * *

I couldn't find any of the books and couldn't remember how a Hogwarts letter is supposed to go, so I kinda made up my own.


	4. Dead Bunnies: Forgotten Angel

Really, this comes from reading an article about people who are convinced they were angels or something in a past life. They think they can actually feel wings on their back. I got to wondering how that could fit into Harry Potter, where there is magic, and out came this.

Disclaimer:This is the fourth chapter. If you don't know that I don't own Harry Potter by now, I despair of your intelligence.

* * *

Harry Potter and the Forgotten Angel

Ch. 1 - Dream or Vision or Other?

* * *

It was a rather unusual scene that greeted the eyes on the cliffs in the middle of a hurricane.

There were three people facing off at the cliffs. This was unusual in and of itself in that any sane individual (and several who were not so sane) knew to stay inside during a hurricane. That was not however the most unusual thing to be seen that night.

The first figure was completely bald and had a definite reptilian cast to his face. He was also pointing a highly polished stick at the other two. He was the most feared wizard of all time, Lord Voldemort.

The second figure was clothed in shadow from head to toe. The shadows were swirling like trapped smoke. This person also had a wand out and facing the first.

However by far the oddest sight for an observer was the third figure. Untidy black hair was the most normal thing about this figure. His eyes were entirely purple and glowing. He no longer had pupils or sclera (the white part of the eyes). It was like someone had removed his eyeballs and instead implanted jewels into his empty sockets. The oddest thing about him however was his wings. They were feathered like an angel's, but black as the midnight sky.

He was the only figure that did not have a wand. Instead he held a sword in one hand and a staff in the other. His sword was, at the moment, leveled at the evil wizard, while his staff was weaving burning designs in the air and both had lightning flickering along their lengths. When he ceased moving his staff he began chanting in a long forgotten language.

The last words heard were "la dracu 'de unde a venit." The flaming runes shot at Voldemort. Then, everything went black.

* * *

In a time far back, a boy with the same black hair as the winged man. For a split second past opening his eyes they flashed a bright, vibrant violet, before resuming their normal emerald green appearance. The boy was, as always, oblivious to the changes.

Harry Potter woke up from his dreams extremely confused. This was not unusual in and of itself but, the reason for was quite different than usual.

Before thinking his dreams over Harry checked his room over for anything that might have been moved or have caused him to have a exceedingly realistic hallucination. As he was checking his room over he gave his owl, Hedwig, an absent-minded pat on the head.

Finding nothing out of the ordinary, for a wizard that is, Harry sat down to think about what he just dreamed. First off, his scar was feeling influenced from the outside, like it usually did after he got a vision from Voldemort. However it did not feel like it was going to split his head with agony. In fact it felt like it was being healed?

Second, the man with wings had had the exact same hair as him. And why did his eyes seem so familiar? It was almost as if he knew him.

So what was that that he had just seen? Who had sent it? Or was it just a dream?

In short what was that? A dream? A vision? Or something else?

In the end Harry decided to just go back to sleep and see if anything happened tomorrow. If not then he would just ignore the dream.

Little did he know how weirded out he would get the next day.

* * *

Short, crappy and to the point. And then the bunny died. Anyone wanna take this?


	5. Dead Bunnies: Shards: A Breaking Morning

So, this is the third chapter of the story that was formerly known as "Shards of a Dreaming Mirror." It is the final chapter of Shards that is in a sequential order. Anything more in this story is going to be a random one-shot-ish thing from when the bunny was zombie-ish, but not dead.

Disclaimer: I believe I have told you people that I don't own Harry Potter, and don't think that I have anything more to disclaim.

* * *

The next morning the Sixth-Year Gryffindors were awakened by an annoyingly cheerful teenager bouncing on Harry's bed at four in the morning.

"WAKE UP!" Karen screamed in Harry's ear. Harry woke up grudgingly.

"Christ, Wulf. Always up with the sun, and sometimes before, ain't you?" Harry grumbled groping around for his glasses. He was, unfortunately, not the only one woken up by Karen.

"Wuzzit?" Ron mumbled.

"Where's the fire?" Neville asked blinking tiredly.

"Shut Myrtle up, I don't care if you have to kiss the ghost, just shut her up." Dean was not known for early-morning tact. And by early I mean 4:00 AM.

"Where'd you learn that?" Seamus purred, still asleep amazingly. Horny little Irishman ain't he?

"You know Wulf, you need to work on waking people up. Like maybe, holding it down to one person. I don't want the sixth years succeeding where Voldemort failed because you wanted to spar at four in the morning." Harry whispered.

"But Baer, I wanna spar with someone decent!" Karen whined.

"Fine. But you get to explain to the asses why they got woken up so early."

"Okay!" Karen chirped.

~0o0o0~

At seven, Harry stumbled into his dorm and over to the shower, looking more beat up than even Voldemort could get him. Ron, Neville, Dean, and Seamus stared after him in astonishment.

"Damnit." Harry muttered to himself. "I shouldn't have agreed to a full-out spar after not having practiced in years. Even fully trained and practiced she still whooped my ass. What the hell was I expecting, not practiced and half-asleep? Well, I got my reward. A full and thorough butt-kicking."

Ron actually managed to say something after that tirade-at-self. "Mate, you mean to tell me that the new kid, a _girl_, beat you more than even Voldemort himself can?"

"Well, yeah." Harry replied as the other boys were shocked about his easy attitude at this. "I mean, even when we were only eleven, she still whooped me. Just, next time, remind me to stretch."

"Errrrrr."

"Okay then. Now, let's get to breakfast. Three hours of having your arse handed to you on a platter, with lemon and garlic, will make you hungry." Harry suffered a mood-swing. As he was dragging the others down the stairs he stopped suddenly.

"Oh crap." he stated, getting the other four slightly scared. "Wulf said something about Rex and Jalis. Oh shit. This is not good. Most definitely not good." Harry began to pace, ignoring the fact that he was on the stairs. "I hope I was wrong, but, knowing Wulf, no way." By this point, the others were slightly scared. "Ah well. If she did she did. I'll just be on damage control. And owl protector." Harry's mood swung a complete 180. With this he skipped off to the Great hall, meeting Karen, her teacher, Jalis, a bear, and his own teacher, Rex, a wolf.

"Ah there you are. Well, shall we?" Harry said, offering up his arm to Karen, not fazed in the least about the presence of a man-sized grey wolf and a grizzly bear in the corridors of Hogwarts, even though he could hear the portraits whispering to each other.

"We shall," Karen responded, curtsying, taking Harry's arm and giggling a little at the thought of what breakfast would be like. With that, the two of them walked into the Great Hall, engendering many shrieks of terror.

The students of Hogwarts got the shock of their lives when the Chosen One walked in with the odd new student holding onto his arm. Not to mention the friggin' huge wolf and bear that followed them. Many students shrieked, fainted, passed out and one student tried to run out of the Hall. Harry and Karen ignored the chaos and went to sit at the Gryffindor table with their friends.

"Well now," Karen grinned, "This is much better than I would have expected. With all the insanity here, I would've expected no one to notice Rex and Jalis."

_**Just because we are no longer your teachers doesn't mean we can't punish you.**_ Rex growled at her.

Karen just laughed. "True, true. I was making a comment on this incredibly imbecilic world Baer and I got ourselves mixed up in."

At this point, luck decided that more chaos was needed as the students were calming down and just looking nervously at the animals and the girl talking to them. So, of course, this was when the mail owls came in.

There was a mighty whooshing of wings and hundreds of owls came swooping in. Rex jumped up and tried to catch one. Harry whacked him on the nose and started yelling, taking a Mrs. Weasley stance. Ron shuddered.

"No Rex! You don't eat the owls!"

_**But they look delicious! **_Rex whined.

"I don't care if they are toasted and served with apples! YOU DON"T EAT PEOPLES PETS!"

_**What about the cat lady's cats?**_

"Those are different. They are scary and annoying."

_**Worse than Voldemort you two are.**_

"What did you say?" Harry hissed.

_**You two are worse than Flight-from-death. Her about beating people up and you in hypocrisy.**_

"Take that back."

_**No, it's true. You are telling me I can't eat owls but I **_**can**_** eat cats. Hypocrite!**_

"Take that back."

_**No.**_

Harry's patience snapped. He lunged at Rex and the original screaming redoubled. Rex and Harry ended up in a tussle on the ground. Karen sighed and stood up, hands on her hips.

"All right you two." Karen stated, "That's enough now." Rex and Harry ignored her.

"I really didn't want to do this just yet." Karen sighed before continuing. "ALL RIGHT YOU TWO! THAT'S ENOUGH!" Rex and Harry were still ignoring her. It was time for drastic measures. Karen grabbed each by their ear and pulled, _HARD_.

"Now you two will listen to me. You will not ignore me. You will do as I say. You will not fight in the Great Hall. Or else."

"Or else what?" Harry managed through the pain in his ear.

Karen smirked and spoke. "Or else your heads will become reacquainted with the floor. Repeatedly. Very hard. Again. Now, I am going to let you go and you will sit down. Rex, you will eat as civilly as you can. Harry... don't, just... don't."

"Hey!" Harry cried, "I resemble that."

Karen had to laugh. "Yes, you do, but I think you meant resent, though you certainly do resemble it."

Harry pouted.

"You know," Karen changed the subject, "sometimes I absolutely cannot believe that you and Rex see each other as brothers. And others, the resemblance is absolutely uncanny."

Harry preened, "Yes, well, I am rather good-looking."

Karen laughed. "Well, I don't know about that. For all I know, you could be a mangy flea-ridden cur in desperate need of a trim. I was referring to how you two imbeciles act."

**Perhaps we should not be talking so freely in front of the Fish?**Jalis suggested.

Karen waved a hand. "Oh, pish. It's not like they are going to be able to figure out which is heads and which is tails in this tangled web we have weaved."

**It's a bad idea.** Jalis insisted.

_**Honestly, you are such a party-pooper! **_Rex whined.

"Hang on," Karen thought of something and she turned to Harry. "You know, if we are bringing out the children, should we get Moony and Rex's cubs out here too? How much do you want to bet the wimps will freak out about them coming in?"

Harry laughed. "Wulf, I don't think they could be any more shocked if the Bird of Sorrow came in here and chopped off my hand before announcing that he was my father. And wait, Rex got cubs? When'd that happen?"

Karen smiled, "Yeah you're right. Both about the Darth reference and about the shocked thing. It would be funny though if we did bring 'em in. Simply for the shock value. And when we were about thirteen."

"Oh. It'd be funny to watch Moony prance around the Hall though"

"Yeah, but still a bad idea."

"Why?"

**Because the nonmagic stereotypes of most magic is correct, therefore we can assume that what is viewed as a unicorn is not willing to be among large numbers of people. Therefore, it would be assumed that you were extremely dark to enchant a unicorn. **Jalis pointed out.

"But I am!" Harry whined. Karen raised an eyebrow at him.

"Fine," he amended. "I'm more of a ... gray. I am not a white, though."

_**You just keep telling yourself that.**_ Rex growled smugly.

"That's it!" Harry cried, throwing himself at Rex. "You're going down!" And cue sweatdrops, screams and dust clouds as all conversation in the Hall ceased.

Karen sighed. Would the two never learn? When they fight, it meant pain for them both. Apparently not. Ah, well. Oh dear, they're getting close to one of the first years. That cute Aine kid. One of the few that was in perfect health at the moment.

"HARRY! REX!" Karen yelled. "This is your last warning before the pain comes!" And they ignored her. So, Karen reached out and grabbed their heads and slammed them into the ground. Hard. Like she had promised them.

Harry got up, the familiar feeling of a concussion ringing around his head. "God, Wulf, can't even go one day without giving me a concussion, can you." It wasn't a question.

Karen grinned unabashed, while the insignificant little children around them gasped, apparently in fear of their 'Saviour''s well-being.

"Now where would the fun be in that?" Karen asked wryly. Harry was about to respond when Dumbledore returned from the little trip into lalaland he had taken and decided to intervene.

"Enough!" Mr. White Bumblebee shouted. "Miss Johnson, Mister Potter, kindly cease causing such uproar in the middle of the Great Hall."

"But I don't wanna!" Karen whined, and so pretended to be dying a horrible, grisly death of maturity poisoning.

Rex snorted. _**You are so immature. I swear three-summer-olds act better. **_

Karen scowled, flicked Rex on the nose and got up from the floor she had fallen to while pretending to die dramatically.

"Wulf," Harry laughed. "You really shouldn't flick him for that. You know that we are roughly three-year-olds mentally. He was just saying the truth."

Karen turned on him. "Don't think I can't go after you too," she threatened.

"Miss Johnson, Mister Potter!" McGonagall barked. "Go to the headmaster's office!"

Hermione stood up. "I could take them Professor McGonagall. I could make sure they actually get there," she offered.

Professor McGonagall sighed. "Thank you for that offer Miss Granger. If you would be willing, kindly do so."

Hermione grabbed Harry by the arm and dragged him to the Headmaster's office, knowing from watching the interactions between Harry, Karen and the gigantic animals that if one went, the others would follow automatically. So, since Harry was the smallest and easiest to drag around, Hermione dragged Harry, letting the others follow.

~0o0o0~

As Headmaster Albus Dumbledore entered his office after breakfast, he was met with a rather odd sight. The gigantic wolf was growling at the grizzly, and both were being restrained by a human one-third their size. Miss Granger was trying to become one with the wall, muttering frantically 'It's-all-a-dream-It's-all-a-dream-They-can't-hurt-me-It's-all-a-dream'

Dumbledore paused, blinked, then twinkled and swept in anyway.

"Mister Potter, Miss Johnson. Please get rid of those animals so we can talk like civilized people." He, well, to be frank, commanded. Much to his shock, Harry and Karen refused to.

"Not a chance." Harry growled, bristling. "Wulf and I don't talk unless Rex and Jalis are here. They go, we go."

Dumbledore blinked again. He certainly hadn't been expecting that, not from his perfect weapon, who ignorantly believed that his well-being revolved around Albus' moods. If the Weapon wasn't necessary to keep Albus' fame and grandfatherly image intact, well, the Weapon would have learned of a different side to Albus Dumbledore a long time ago. But apparently the Weapon began to question. Well, we can't have that, now can we? So Albus let out a little Legilimency :cough_imperius_cough: pulse that made the Weapon more prone to listening to his *suggestions* :cough_orders_cough: The Weapon slackened and relaxed and so, surprisingly, did the Nuisance and the Beasts. Hmmmm, was something going on here? Nah, he probably just made the pulse too strong and overloaded the Nuisance and the Beasts' brains. Yes, that's it, he had just overloaded the pulse, as could be understandable for one as powerful as he was. Now, for the clincher.

"Mister Potter, Miss Johnson, why don't you send those animals out of the school where they won't be harming any of the students. Miss Granger, you can go to your first lesson right now. I believe you have Transfiguration right now?"

"Yes Headmaster," the three humans droned while the animals nodded mechanically. It was quite funny.

Harry and Karen could barely keep their faces straight as they faked being under the spell Dumbledork tried to put on him. _Stupid old fart, can't be bothered to remember that the Imperius doesn't work on me._ Harry thought across the mental connection Karen had thought to cast between the four of them while Harry was being pulled by the ear to the Headmaster's office.

_**I know. It's like, those stupid yellow balls on the table are drugged with happy pills so that he notices nothing.**_ Rex snickered. (Ooooooohhhh. Naughty naughty _Head_master. Drugging the _balls_ you keep in a _jar_ on your _desk_. You are a depraved person. Stay _away_ from me.)

More like he just got stagnant in his belief in his own power. Karen sneered.

**Very true.** Jalis tried for a hint of solemnity, and failed utterly, bursting into bear-like guffaws as soon as he was away from the goat of ineptitude. Several students who had skipped breakfast screamed and ran in another direction, while the students who were at breakfast just stared before continuing on, muttering under their breath about 'idiot Chosen Ones with idiot friends who have insanely large, and just plain insane familiars.' The ones who skipped breakfast stared weirdly at the ones who had had breakfast, needless to say. It was a rather odd beginning to an utterly insane day.

_Stupid old man. You know what we are going to do right?_

Of course what do you take us for? Mice? We all know what we are going to do.

_Just checking. 'Gana you don't have to take offense like that._

Sorry just a bit tense right now. New surroundings, new manipulative bastard to feel out, just the usual in a new place.

_Of course._

_**If I may interrupt this **_**delightful**_** conversation, I have an idea for a prank. Baer, Wulf, pay attention to the coot. Jally & I will handle the prank. Compare notes later, 'Jay? **_(Like the Muggle 'Kay?')

'_Jay. Later_

And then BumbleBore was droning on and on, and hadn't even noticed that Karen and Harry weren't paying the least bit of attention to what he was saying.

"---And furthermore it is utterly irresponsible of you two to bring such large, vicious beasts into Hogwarts. Twice now the dog has attempted to kill you, Mister Potter. And Miss Johnson. You should not be encouraging the younger students to violence. That was extremely irresponsible of you both. Now, I do not wish to see a repeat of this morning's performance, is that clear?"

Harry and Karen both nodded while laughing madly in their minds at the jokes Fawkes was crooning at himself. Apparently poor Fawkes had been alone for a little too long. He was apparently crooning bawdy jokes involving basilisks, birds and laws of nature.

#_What do you call the child of a basilisk and a phoenix? Breaking the laws of nature._#

#_What do you call the phoenixes old lover? An old flame._#

Dear lord that bird was messed up. Apparently, according to his jokes, he had been doing the nasty with the basilisk's rotting cor-EEEW! Cutting that line of thought off now. Don't need to traumatize you people anymore than you already will be just from reading this story.

So, while the bird was seriously degrading the quality of Harry and Karen's mental processes, the bore was droning on and on and on about responsibility and fame. It was boring, and then they were freeeeeee!! Finally, they could run around and scream and act like human(-ish) beings rather than badly controlled puppets. Yay!

Jalis and Rex exchanged exasperated looks at the utter idiocy of the only humans ever to learn Animalis' secrets.

_**I love those two like they were my brother and sister, but damn they're idiots sometimes. **_Rex complained, listening to the two warriors celebrating their newfound freedom.

**I know. Only, I have to deal with you and Moony as well. You aren't quite so bad. For their three-summer-old mentality, you are a four-summer-old.** Jalis commiserated. (agreed with an air of suffering morons.)

_**Oi! I resent that!**_ A new voice broke into their conversation.

**Moony!? What the-How did you-This-** Jalis stuttered in shock while Rex dealt with the new comer to the conversation.

_**What our large and rather dim friend is trying to find the words for is, Karen cast a spell to cause this thought-speak-convo. How did you break into it, Moony? **_

_**Well, isn't it obvious?**_ Moony thaid (thought-said) _**I just harnessed the latent telepathic abilities of Karen and Harry, and told them to add me to the spell.

* * *

**_

Yes, in case you were wondering, this chapter is only half-finished, but I absolutely cannot revive the bunny.

Anyone wanna adopt this piece of crap?


	6. Dead Bunnies: Shards: A Confused Wolf

So...Word on my computer died, so I'm trying something different to update stuff, but I don't know how well it's going to work. So, if this ends up as _not_ the sixth chapter of Dead Bunnies, please let me know.

Also, this is basically after Harry and Karen end up together, something that I did plan on, but was never able to write out, and they go on a date to Hogsmeade. There, Harry has got Remus to be there in order for the werewolf to meet Karen.

Disclaimer: It's the frickin' sixth chapter (I hope)! If you don't know that I don't own harry Potter by now, go soak your head in battery acid for the good of the human race!

* * *

Karen pulled Harry along the path to Hogsmeade. Rex, Jalis and Moony loped along with them. They were all planning on having the time of their lives, considering it was Harry and Karen's first date. Rex, Jalis and Moony were along as... supervision.

Hogsmeade came into sight. "Aw, crap." the five uttered as one. It looked like Hogsmeade was hosting a reporter convention.

"Eh, could be worse." Karen shrugged.

Moony looked at her oddly.

Karen, we have a unicorn, a wolf and a bear in our group. Not to mention the boy whose forehead the entire Wizarding World is indebted to. And his girlfriend. How exactly could it be worse? he whickered.

Karen shrugged. "Well, we could all be hairless and naked." Everyone blinked. Rex turned to Harry.

Dammit Har! I thought you were going to give her her meds today!

Karen pouted. "I'm not that bad." she insisted. Everyone just looked at her in that infuriating you-just-keep-telling-yourself-that way. 'Oh, fine. But still, I think it could be worse. We can just tell them to go and screw themselves."

Harry looked slightly shocked. "I never thought of that. Damn, you mean I've been dealing with idiots for years when I could've got rid of them like that."

Karen laughed. "Of course you couldn't. You've got the entire world indebted to your forehead and they ain't letting ya forget it. Nah, this needs a delicate female's touch. Oh, look, here come the vic- reporters now. Watch and learn, Baer-Baer." With that she turned away and looked towards the reporters, already hearing their clamoring questions.

"Mr. Potter, is it true you are turning dark?"

"Is it true you have corrupted a unicorn?"

At this, Moony snorted and rumbled, If I didn't know that Har's rep would be shot, I'd like to gore em, right here, right now! Implying a unicorn doesn't know exactly what he's getting into when he meets a person. The nerve!

Karen laid a hand on his horn. "Hush, Moony," she soothed absently. "they don't know what they are talking about. They think you are one of the un-evolved sheep-with-horns, not a true unicorn. Let me deal with this. I will put them in their places."

Now the reporters were within interview distance and were shouting out questions like there was no manana. Karen raised her voice and responded, loudly.

"My boyfriend and I have exactly five words for you all. Quote us on this. Go screw each other, bitches." With that, Karen grabbed Harry's hand and Jalis' scruff and dragged them away.

Halfway across town, in the Three Broomsticks, Karen let the others stop, finally.

Harry cracked a lopsided smile. "A delicate female touch, huh? You do realize that was like a sledgehammers delicacy, don't you?"

Karen pretended to be offended. "I'll have you know that a sledgehammer most definitely has way more delicacy than I do! I just chose the place of attack better than some fat guy wielding a sledgehammer! I, I will have you know, wield blunt force trauma to the ego like a surgeon's knife!"

Harry laughed. "Never change, my Wulfie, never change," he laughed, throwing an arm around her shoulders, not realizing what he had just said.

"Baer, do... d'you really mean that?" Karen asked softly.

"Mean what?" Harry asked, but then incomprehension faded into horrified disbelief. "Oh God. Wulfie, I'm sorry. I know how much you hate being called a possession. Oh Gana, I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Karen giggled. "Anyone else would have lost an arm, but coming from you, it's…it's…right. Just right. I like it."

Awww. Moony cooed. Look at the lovebirds. Should we leave them be, or get to our appointment with the other Moony?

"Oh crap, I forgot!" Harry swore. "I just forgot the appointment. Let's go find him."

"Okay!"

~0o0o0~

"Mr. Moony!"

Remus Lupin turned at this odd form of address and nearly spewed firewhiskey out his nose. The boy saviour was standing there with a gorgeous girl Lupin didn't recognize, a grizzly bear, a gigantic wolf, and a friggin' unicorn. A unicorn, in a pub!

"W-w-w-what the Hell!?" Remus yelled.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Come on Mr. Moony. You know me. Or at least, the face that has been splattered with glory, dragged through the mud and then raised on a pedestal. I'm hurt that you don't remember me. Sent you a letter, requested a meeting, got your gay lover killed? Come on, man, keep up with the times! You need to-"

But whatever Remus Lupin needed to do was never found out as it was at hat point that the wolf growled, and Harry, his beloved, idiotic, and apparently insane surrogate godson, turned and started yelling at it.

"What the hell! How many times do I have to tell you? Neither Wulfie or I take any meds. Of course, no shrink has ever stayed sane to prescribe meds, but you can't prove anything! And you-" Harry snarled, rounding on the unicorn. "How could you let him say those things? You are supposed to be the mature one in our rather dysfunctional family! How could you?" With that, Harry burst into tears.

It was at this point Remus decided to intervene. people were looking at them strangely. "Harry," Remus asked gently, "Why are you yelling at the gigantic wolf in the pub?"

"I'll explain that," the girl said. "You see, Rex here didn't get enough sleep last night, so he decided to take his annoyance out on us. Unfortunately, Baer didn't either. All morning Rex has been going on about how we need meds. And yes, if you're wondering, they did have to come with us. Well, more like decided Baer and I couldn't be trusted alone with each other. Oh, I'll take care of Baer." With that she turned to Harry and forced him to look at her. "Baer-Baer, you are forgetting rule #6. Remember? Say it."

Harry repeated Rule #6, mildly disturbing Remus. "When someone beats you down, get up again and beat them down harder."

"That's right. Now what should you do?"

"Beat up Rex! Thanks Wulfie!" Harry chirped, diving at the wolf. Both swiftly disappeared in a cloud of dust that got kicked up. Remus looked at it in some concern.

"Erm, shouldn't we, uhhhh, make sure Harry isn't hurt?" Remus asked unsurely.

"'Course not."

Remus blinked. This was the girl Harry was dating? She wasn't even concerned with his safety! He puffed up, ready to start yelling at her, when he heard her continue. "If you tried to keep these two from each others throats, they'd both hate you. Their relationship is a mystery, even to me, Jalis and Moony. It's like, one moment, they're the best of friends, and the next, they are fighting, apparently trying to kill each other. They are best of friends and the worst of enemies at the same time. It really is quite odd. For a while the Hogwarts students tried to break them of the habit, but after about the sixth fight and the third day, they just kind of accepted the inevitable."

Remus choked. "You mean to tell me that this sort of thing happens twice a day?!" he asked incredulously.

Wulf shrugged. "Pretty much, yeah. Umm, people are staring. Let's go into the cold. Excuse me for a moment." Wulf walked over and into the dust ball from which sounds of ripping fabric, yelps and snarls were emerging. Two seconds later, Wulf emerged, tightly grabbing onto Harry and the wolf's ears.

"All right you two." Wulf said, not seeming at all alarmed by the fact that the entire pub was staring now. Remus, however, was openly gaping at the teen who was manhandling a wolf larger than her, utterly unchuffed by any of the strange things in the pub. "You will leave each other alone until we get outside and explain things to Mr. Moony. Or you will find out what happens when you tick a girl who ain't afraid to fight dirty. Do I make myself clear?" Wulf asked.

"Crystal," Harry whimpered. Wulf nodded.

"That's right." With that, the girl dragged Harry, Remus, the wolf, the bear and the unicorn out of the Three Broomsticks.

"All right," His surrogate godson said, having gotten himself free of the death grip on his ear. "ask your questions. And don't try any 'I don't have any' bullshit. I showed up in there with a wolf larger than yours, a grizzly bear and a true unicorn. Not to mention my best friend of sixteen years."

"Err, sixteen years? You are sixteen years old and you never met her while your parents were alive? I think you are confused." Remus asked.

Harry laughed. "You'd be surprised how many people make that mistake. I am, actually seventeen. I have known Karen since I was eighteen months old."

"Eh?"

"Really, really long story short, when we were ten, Karen and I went into the forest near the Dursleys' during one of her foster parents' month-long visits. That's where we met the idiot trio. Jalis, bear extraordinair." The bear nodded gravely. It could understand him? "Rex, wolf of blunder." The wolf Harry had fought growled, hackles raising. "And Moon's Rays, leader of the evolved deer." The unicorn dipped its horn gracefully before glaring at Harry. It snorted angrily. Harry laughed. "Oh, come on now. I didn't mean it and you know it, Moony." he smiled fondly. Remus blinked at the use of his nickname at a unicorn.

"Hey!" Remus yelled. "That's MY nickname!"

"Shut up, wolf-boy. I knew Moon's Rays about four years before I knew you." Remus shot a panicked look at Harry's girlfriend, thinking How could he? Now she's going to turn on me!

But Remus' fear were unfounded. Oh, Karen turned on someone alright, just not Remus.

"Harry," Karen cooed sweetly. "Do you mean to tell me that I have been talking to the werewolf you know for five minutes, and not knowing it?" Remus couldn't see why Harry had flinched so badly by the end of her sentence.

"Wait. You told her before about my furry problem?" Remus asked.

"Yes." Karen said, staring in a mildly predatory look at a nervous Harry. "Yes he did. Mostly because he knows how I feel about werewolves and wolves in general. I think that they are utterly, totally and completely awesome and nothing anyone says can change my mind. In fact, until Bear and I were ten, I wanted to be a werewolf. I have no prejudices against a werewolf. In fact, for some strange reason, a werewolf tried to attack Hogwarts during the full moon last month. I created a spell to force werewolves to stay in one shape. He is now staying as a wolf in my trunk. I feed him once a day. He is shrunk. He's a nice snuggly, now that I have removed his teeth and neutered him."

Remus jerked one hand up and one hand down, ensuring that she had not done anything to him before something else she had said sunk in. "You-you created the cure to lycanthropy?" He asked weakly.

"Cure or curse." Karen responded cheerfully. "I can make somone permanently human, whatever-the-human-magis-call-alternate-forms or wereform."

"Whatever-the-human-magis-call-alternate-forms?" Remus asked.

Harry threw Karen an exasperated look as he translated. "Animagus forms."

"Ahhh." Remus said in understanding, before something occurred to him. "If you knew about them from wizards you'd know what they were called. So, where did you learn about Animagi?"

"Crap." Harry hissed even as Karen began her explanation.

"The Forest called us to it as we had great destinies. In the Forest we met our teachers and learned magic. But not the pale shadow the wand-users employ. We learned true magic. Magic of such force that even a simple tickling charm could make you lose your mind if you aren't careful."

Remus swallowed. "All very interesting, but, what does it have to do with Animagus forms?"

"God, Wulf, tell him everything why doncha." Harry asked sarcastically.

"Fine, then, I will. Just don't be surprised if we have to break out of an insane asylum," Karen replied archly, pretending not to hear Harry's muttered "Or prison.' "Well, as you can tell we learned some stuff no human has ever learned. One of the many things we learned was how to harness our innermost souls, namely, our animals. it took a lot of meditation, but, eventually, we managed to get to the point where we turned into our forms. We're both wind wolves."

"Wind wolves?" Remus couldn't help asking.

Karen shrugged. "Winged wolves. Makes sense considering that we both need to move, to run, to be free."

Remus' jaw dropped. "Y-you mean to tell me that my godson and you both have magical Animagus form?" he managed weakly.

Karen frowned a moment before turning to Harry. "Baer," she whined, "Were you lying when you said your godfather was killed via drapery."

Remus winced. With Harry's tendency to blame himself, this could get ugly. Much to his shock, Harry just laughed. "Oh, I don't know that he's dead anymore."

"W-w-wh-what?" Remus stuttered.

* * *

Yeah, I am really messed up. Thank you for noticing.


End file.
